The Real Value of a Mission Statement

Our journey to parenthood was anything but normal. The international adoption process took nearly 5 years. Short version: We filled out countless forms, took a few classes and underwent various medical evaluations. After years of waiting, we got on a plane, flew to the Philippines and came home with three siblings, who at the time were 8, 9 and 11. To say that I felt unqualified would be a severe understatement.

I had no parenting experience. Was I doing it correctly? How was I supposed to know what “correct” was? Self judgment was creating constant stress. Trying to be a perfect parent was preventing me from being a good one.

Thankfully there’s no such thing as “perfect.” There is no single “right” way to raise kids. Thus, there is no such thing as “unqualified.”

Forget perfect. Just keep getting better.

Raising 3 active, bright, curious kids requires rapid real time decisions. Better decisions = better parenting. To improve decision quality, I needed a method to evaluate situations, in real time, through the lens of our values as parents. I needed to define my mission.

The real value of a mission statement is that it shifts thinking from reactive to proactive.

A mission changes the decision making process. When the destination is always clear, “what should I do?” becomes “how do I do it?” This is a critical shift from reactive to proactive. Even while reacting to an unfolding situation, you are proactively moving toward your ideal outcome.

Mission: Course of action taken to achieve an ideal outcome. 

A mission statement provides guide rails for how to think and act in real time. It aligns thoughts, decisions and actions with your ideal outcome.

An effective mission statement has the following components:

• An ideal outcome
• One or more action verbs that move you toward that ideal outcome

Constructing your own mission statement is a straightforward 2 step process.

1. Define your ideal outcome

• Your ideal outcome is usually the answer to this question: “If I did my job perfectly here, what would the results look like?”
• My answer: “My kids would become the best possible versions of themselves.”

2. Select your action verbs

• What types of actions will be most effective in attaining that ideal outcome?
• My answer: “Appreciate. Support. Challenge.”

Not all verbs are created equal.

Initially my action verbs included “love.” Love is at the core of my relationship with my kids. But “love” is too broad for a mission statement. Improve clarity by narrowing focus. How do I express love in a way that honors and benefits them? Appreciation and support. But appreciation and support alone are insufficient. In order to become the best versions of themselves, they will need to grow. The best catalyst for growth? Challenge.

My mission as a parent: To appreciate, support & challenge our kids to become the best versions of themselves.

So how exactly does a mission statement guide actions? Follow the verbs – in order.

Step 1: Appreciate. Connection shows appreciation. When people feel heard they feel appreciated. That means asking questions without trying to fix anything. What did they experience? How are they feeling about it?

Step 2: Support. This often takes the form of sharing a relevant personal experience, usually a story. Then I ask questions to help them extract the lessons and principles from the story, and apply them to their situation. The next action step becomes clear at this point.

Step 3: Challenge. I avoid solving problems for my kids. Instead, I challenge them to take the next action step on their own, then share with me how it went. These challenges build self confidence and lay the foundation for future growth.

Writing a mission statement has an immediate impact. Take a few minutes to write one and find out for yourself. Then share the experience with someone else.

Resources:

• Consider finding an existing mission statement you resonate with and model yours on it. My favorite is the mission of the United States Army Infantry: “To close with and destroy the enemy.”
• Excellent post on Mission written by David Redding, former Army Infantry, Green Beret, and co-founder of F3: https://f3nation.com/2018/09/16/sua-sponte-leader-q4-1/